Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

I take six pills a day
to keep the demons away....

Sunday, October 19, 2008

The Mourning After

i think forgetting her is worse than losing her

tonight, not again

I'm tired but I've got
too much on my mind
I'm just trying
to find the time
to get it all out
These words won't let me down
So tell me something
to get me through the night
Tell me something to
help me sleep tight
tell me some words that won't
keep me up all night
something like,
everything's gonna be alright
cause looking at this world now
I haven't got a clue how
to keep on believing that
there's any reason to
keep on dreaming

I'm filled with ambition
I wanna do everything right
but my good intentions
seem to get lost in the fight
Good intentions
can only get me so far
but I've been trying real hard...


(yes the title is a Jason Mraz song. go figure.)

Friday, October 17, 2008

Wings of an Angel

I know I posted a lot tonight, but I had to share this picture. I found it when I was looking for the Osprey one I used earlier.

If you get a chance to read and comment on my writings, please do. I crave feedback. Some are songs, some are poems, but is there really a difference?

(taken July 2008)


Gimme a quick fix on life
Get me away from this strife
I know it can't pay my bills
but if you'd just give me another pill
Something for a thrill
It'd help me through the day
I know you say, there's got
to be another way
but unless you can pay
I need a fix today
You say it's not true
I disagree with you
You don't see the truth
Money can buy happiness
Money can get me clean
But money is not enough
If you know what I mean

(October 7, 2008)

XXXV, or More About Me

I'm a contradiction
And a work of fiction
and I got no ambition
But I've got the will
and the motive to kill
I want to change and
I think it's kinda strange
how everyone's so lazy
It's downright crazy
We copy each other
like there's no other
way to behave, isn't it strange
I wanna be original
but it's all been done before
I'm telling you it's criminal
I know there's something more
in this life for me
I'm just looking for a way to be
my own best friend cause
that's all that matters in the end
And I think it's crazy,
how everyone's so lazy
It's downright crazy
We copy each other
like there's no other
way to behave, isn't it strange
I wanna be original

(October 8, 2008)

Bits & Baubles

He was young and
filled with good intentions
we were two lost souls
just looking for attention

Spent all my life looking for
a place to call home
been broke, used and bruised
and always so alone

Why are people so afraid to
admit when they are wrong?
the casual lies
everyday costing millions
of lives

(summer 2008)


If these walls could talk they would
tell you what's really going on here
If you would listen I would
tell you that I really want you near
But you've been listening to the trees
instead of listening close to me
You've got your head in the clouds,
you're not willing to come down
I know you're scared, but baby
If you'd just let me
I would catch your fall
It's no trouble at all

(summer 2008)


let me down lightly
it's more than I can bear
give me your hand and give
me something warm to wear
because I feel cold in my soul
I feel the ground letting go
I'm floating here in a sea
of nausea, I need something
to hold onto, don't let me go
if I float away, I'll never
be able to find my way
back to you again
is this really the end?

(summer 2008)


It's taken a long time
but now I see
who you really are
to be honest
I never thought
we would come this far
So I will remember
the good times we had
and try to learn
from the bad

(October 13, 2008)


Running in circles around cliches
The same old routine everyday
We make the same mistakes
but we say, "It's all okay"
We're living in a fish bowl
Swimming in filth, it's a hell hole
We're in a glass house throwing stones
But we're only human, so
it's all okay, but me
I wanna live to see a better day
I'm gonna stand-up and do it my way
This earth has got to last
It's the only one we have

(October 13, 2008- unfinished)


Close your eyes
Pretend to fly
Childhood dreaming
Always was easy
The innocence of youth
The safety of you
Brings me back
To the day
When happiness
Was limitless
When fantasy was
Not just make-believe
When everyday
Was like a dream
Bring me back
Bring me back to that
Close your eyes
Lets fly

words, 10-14-08
picture, 8-5-08

Thursday, October 16, 2008

About Me

-I look different everyday. Sometimes I wear glasses, sometimes I don't. Sometimes I have short hair, sometimes long. Sometimes I look skinny, sometimes I look fat. Sometimes I don't even recognize myself.

-I feel different everyday. Sometimes the glass is half-empty, sometimes half-full. Sometimes I don't want to get out of bed, sometimes I want to run the marathon mile. I contradict myself constantly but I don't care. It's who I am.

-I have several jobs at any given moment, but I haven't found anything that I want to commit myself fully to. I work at a movie theater, where I've been for nearly 8 years. It's not a job you can make a career out of though. I'm also a part-time teacher, and a few weeks ago I became a Party-Lite consultant with my friend Liz. We sell candles and split the paychecks. A few months ago I worked at Starbucks, and at this time last year I was working at a library.

-Photography, music, literature, and cinematography are my favorite things in the world. They can always turn a frown around. I was in band, choir, and theater groups for my whole life until I graduated high school (five years ago). I miss it all terribly, but it's easier to be on the outside watching now. In my small community, there are no groups I can join without being a full-time college student or religious.

-I am not religious, but I am spiritual. I believe in a higher power.

-Along with being a photographer, I'm an avid jewelry maker. I haven't tried to make any money of either yet, but I have been wanting to start participating in craft fairs and the like.

-If you would like to know anything more, just ask!

Wednesday, October 15, 2008


Lums Pond, 10-14

Whenever I'm having a bad day, week, month, year... I know I can just lose myself to the wilderness and it will all be okay.

We are running out of wilderness though. This earth needs to last....something's got to change.

On a different note, I just read comments on old entries, and I just added many new blogs to follow. Hopefully on a day when I'm not so tired and don't have to work so early, I can read more of them and leave comments. I started this with the intention and desire of meeting new people, people with similar interests and ideals. I just need someone to identify with make me feel less alone. Who doesn't need that?

Monday, October 13, 2008

Guilty Conscience

I confuse conscience with conscious all of the time... is there even a difference? (goes to

she's not hooked on drugs like i thought that she was
she's not so usual

i have that jason mraz song stuck in my head. could it be because i heard it at least four times today? the same cd has been in my car for a while now, so i finally got the nerve to change and i put James Morrison Undiscovered in instead.

that's a lot of in's.

I'm only supposed to be home long enough to grab sneakers and my camera, but i've been writing monologues and soliloquys (ques?) in my head all day, so i thought i'd sit down and rant a little.

I'm skipping work today.

There was no parking and I was late, so I didn't stick around. I drove through the Brandywine Valley in the misty morning sun--listening to Mraz--BEAUTIFUL. I got a bag of books from the 1920's & 1940's from goodwill for $2--amazing. I also got a National Geographic book on alaska (enchanting). I want to learn as much as I can about it and go there next April, May or June. Instead of talking about how much I want to do something, I am going to do it. I am going to Alaska. I would love to hike the Stampede trail, and go to Chris McCandless "magic bus", but there's a river blocking it that is pretty much impassable, unless I go in the winter time. Alaskan winter? no thanks. I'm a sunny-kinda gal.

I should be using this time to work on my photography, since that's what I really want to do with my life. But I'm stuck. I can take pictures, sure. Then what? I need to save them, share them, get prints and a portfolio made. I need to get my own website. I need to get an interest in all of the dirty work that I couldn't care less about. I need to get the money to do it all.

mmmm I'm going to be fantasizing about Alaska all day now.

(next stop, cali)

Monday, October 6, 2008


I've been wondering for a while if I can use this for a photo journal, or if i'll need an outside image hoster and it would just be a pain. (how many pictures can i post? how long will they stay up?) so here we go.

these are from battery park, taken september 22nd