Friday, August 29, 2008


I'm going to sleep
to dream tonight
and thank god for
the moonlight
cause a black sky
just doesn't seem right
I'm going to sleep
to dream tonight
with you on my mind
I'm going to take all
of my doubts and
leave them behind
I'll forget about my fears
and not worry about the years
& when I wake up I'll know
that I'll see you again soon
because whenever
I close my eyes
you will be there

(august 25, 2008)

Anne Sexton

from The Dead Heart-- "the tongue, the chinese say, is like a sharp knife: it kills without drawing blood"

from Is it true?-- "Whose God are you looking for? asked the priest.
I replied: A starving man doesn't ask what the meal is"


how do you tell
dreams from reality
when you're asleep?
how do you know rock bottom
when you're already
in too deep?
maybe it's something
you don't know until it's done
maybe the answer
is different for everyone

(august 24, 2008)


Can you see the sky
from where you are?
Do you see the moon?
I never got to say goodbye
You left all too soon
I wonder how things are
for you now
I hope you're okay
This world has
made me jaded
and I'm afraid your
image has faded
but in my heart
Your voice is clear
and I know through it all
You'll always be here

(fall 2003)


i think the idea of money is the worst thing to ever happen to us.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008


"Last Thoughts on Woody Guthrie"


When your head gets twisted and your mind grows numb
When you think you're too old, too young, too smart or too dumb
When you're laggin' behind an' losin' your pace
In the slow-motion crawl or life's busy race
No matter whatcha doin' if you start givin' up
If the wine don't come to the top of your cup
If the wind got you sideways it's one hand holdin' on
And the other starts slippin' and the feelin' is gone
And your train engine fire needs a new spark to catch it
And the wood's easy findin' but you're lazy to fetch it
And your sidewalk starts curlin' and the street gets too long
And you start walkin' backwards though you know that it's wrong
And lonesome comes up as down goes the day
And tomorrow's mornin' seems so far away
And you feel the reins from your pony are slippin'
And your rope is a-slidin' 'cause your hands are a-drippin'
And your sun-decked desert and evergreen valleys
Turn to broken down slums and trash-can alleys
And your sky cries water and your drain pipe's a-pourin'
And the lightnin's a-flashin' and the thunder's a-crashin'
The windows are rattlin' and breakin' and the roof tops are shakin'
And your whole world's a-slammin' and bangin'
And your minutes of sun turn to hours of storm
An' to yourself you sometimes say
"I never knew it was gonna be this way
Why didn't they tell me the day I was born?"

And you start gettin' chills and you're jumpin' from sweat
And you're lookin' for somethin' you ain't quite found yet
And you're knee-deep in dark water with your hands in the air
And the whole world's watchin' with a window peek stare
And your good gal leaves and she's long gone a-flyin'
And your heart feels sick like fish when they're fryin'
And your jackhammer falls from your hands to your feet
But you need it badly an' it lays on the street
And your bell's bangin' loudly but you can't hear its beat
And you think your ears mighta been hurt
Your eyes've turned filthy from the sight-blindin' dirt
And you figured you failed in yesterday's rush
When you were faked out an' fooled while facin' a four flush
And all the time you were holdin' three queens
It's makin you mad, it's makin' you mean
Like in the middle of Life magazine
Bouncin' around a pinball machine
And there's something on your mind that you wanna be sayin'
That somebody someplace oughta be hearin'
But it's trapped on your tongue, sealed in your head
And it bothers you badly when your layin' in bed
And no matter how you try you just can't say it
And you're scared to your soul you just might forget it
And your eyes get swimmy from the tears in your head
An' your pillows of feathers turn to blankets of lead
And the lion's mouth opens and you're starin' at his teeth
And his jaws start closin' with you underneath
And you're flat on your belly with your hands tied behind
And you wish you'd never taken that last detour sign
You say to yourself just what am I doin'
On this road I'm walkin', on this trail I'm turnin'
On this curve I'm hangin'
On this pathway I'm strollin', this space I'm taking
And this air I'm inhaling?
Am I mixed up too much, am I mixed up too hard
Why am I walking, where am I running
What am I saying, what am I knowing
On this guitar I'm playing, on this banjo I'm frailing
On this mandolin I'm strumming, in the song I'm singing,
In the tune I'm humming, in the words that I'm thinking
In the words I'm writing
In this ocean of hours I'm all the time drinking
Who am I helping, what am I breaking
What am I giving, what am I taking?
But you try with your whole soul best
Never to think these thoughts and never to let
Them kind of thoughts gain ground
Or make your heart pound
But then again you know when they're around
Just waiting for a chance to slip and drop down
'Cause sometimes you hear 'em when the night time come creeping
And you fear they might catch you sleeping
And you jump from your bed, from the last chapter of dreamin'
And you can't remember for the best of your thinkin'
If that was you in the dream that was screaming
And you know that's somethin' special you're needin'
And you know there's no drug that'll do for the healing
And no liquor in the land to stop your brain from bleeding

You need somethin' special
You need somethin' special, all right
You need a fast flyin' train on a tornado track
To shoot you someplace and shoot you back
You need a cyclone wind on a stream engine howler
That's been banging and booming and blowing forever
That knows your troubles a hundred times over
You need a Greyhound bus that don't bar no race
That won't laugh at your looks
Your voice or your face
And by any number of bets in the book
Will be rolling long after the bubblegum craze
You need something to open up a new door
To show you something you seen before
But overlooked a hundred times or more
You need something to open your eyes
You need something to make it known
That it's you and no one else that owns
That spot that you're standing, that space that you're sitting
That the world ain't got you beat
That it ain't got you licked
It can't get you crazy no matter how many times you might get kicked
You need something special, all right
You need something special to give you hope
But hope's just a word
That maybe you said, maybe you heard
On some windy corner 'round a wide-angled curve

But that's what you need man, and you need it bad
And your trouble is you know it too good
'Cause you look an' you start gettin' the chills
'Cause you can't find it on a dollar bill
And it ain't on Macy's window sill
And it ain't on no rich kid's road map
And it ain't in no fat kid's fraternity house
And it ain't made in no Hollywood wheat germ
And it ain't on that dim-lit stage
With that half-wit comedian on it
Rantin' and ravin' and takin' your money
And you thinks it's funny
No, you can't find it neither in no night club, no yacht club
And it ain't in the seats of a supper club
And sure as hell you're bound to tell
No matter how hard you rub
You just ain't a-gonna find it on your ticket stub
No, it ain't in the rumors people're tellin' you
And it ain't in the pimple-lotion people are sellin' you
And it ain't in a cardboard-box house
Or down any movie star's blouse
And you can't find it on the golf course
And Uncle Remus can't tell you and neither can Santa Claus
And it ain't in the cream puff hairdo or cotton candy clothes
Ain't in the dime store dummies an' bubblegum goons
And it ain't in the marshmallow noises of the chocolate cake voices
That come knocking and tapping in Christmas wrapping
Sayin' ain't I pretty and ain't I cute, look at my skin,
Look at my skin shine, look at my skin glow,
Look at my skin laugh, look at my skin cry,
When you can't even sense if they got any insides
These people so pretty in their ribbons and bows
No, you'll not now or no other day
Find it on the doorsteps made of paper maché
And inside of the people made of molasses
That every other day buy a new pair of sunglasses
And it ain't in the fifty-star generals and flipped-out phonies
Who'd turn you in for a tenth of a penny
Who breathe and burp and bend and crack
And before you can count from one to ten
Do it all over again but this time behind your back, my friend,
The ones that wheel and deal and whirl and twirl
And play games with each other in their sand-box world
And you can't find it either in the no-talent fools
That run around gallant
And make all the rules for the ones that got talent
And it ain't in the ones that ain't got any talent but think they do
And think they're fooling you
The ones that jump on the wagon
Just for a while 'cause they know it's in style
To get their kicks, get out of it quick
And make all kinds of rnoney and chicks
And you yell to yourself and you throw down your hat
Saying, "Christ, do I gotta be like that?
Ain't there no one here that knows where I'm at
Ain't there no one here that knows how I feel
Good God Almighty, that stuff ain't real"

No, but that ain't your game, it ain't your race
You can't hear your name, you can't see your face
You gotta look some other place
And where do you look for this hope that you're seekin'
Where do you look for this lamp that's a-burnin'
Where do you look for this oil well gushin'
Where do you look for this candle that's glowin'
Where do you look for this hope that you know is there
And out there somewhere
And your feet can only walk down two kinds of roads
Your eyes can only look through two kinds of windows
Your nose can only smell two kinds of hallways
You can touch and twist
And turn two kinds of doorknobs
You can either go to the church of your choice
Or you go to Brooklyn State Hospital

You find God in the church of your choice
You find Woody Guthrie in Brooklyn State Hospital
And though it's only my opinion
I may be right or wrong
You'll find them both
In Grand Canyon

Thursday, August 21, 2008

right now.

lately i've been trying to be too many things at once. well, that's true throughout my life. lately i've been feeling the pressure of it.

sometimes i forget to just take a deep breath and be me.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008


It's all about love
and it's all about hate
you better make up your mind
before it's too late
it's a fine line
between dreaming and believing
you can fool yourself
but it's me who
needs convincing
is this your
fantasy come true
or is it all a ruse?

(June 25, 2008)


I've been trying to be somebody else for so long, I don't even know how to be me. I don't know how to be me because I don't know who I am. I'm the girl who has never learned how to make a cursive "k" but writes them all of the time anyway. The girl that loves to take pictures but doesn't know what to do with them. A girl who thinks she has to copy somebody to ever be successful. Who tries to sound like other people when she sings, tries to write like other people when she writes, wants to look and dress like other people. But I can't really be anyone else. This girl has to be herself... Problem is, she can't find herself anymore.

(June 22, 2008)


You live your life in whispers
Not wanting to make a scene
Trying not to stand out
Never being seen
Hoping someone will
Hear your silent scream
Trying not to stand out
Makes it hard to just fit in

Don't let another day pass you by
It's time to raise your voice to the sky
Don't be scared, don't cry
Just don't let another day
Pass you by

(May 16, 2008)


Kiss me once
So I know how it feels
Kiss me twice
This cant be real

(May 6, 2008)


I'm at a loss for words
whenever you are near
but baby come closer
there's something I
need you to hear
You've been on my mind
both day and night
You've been by my side
when I couldn't see the light
The darkness is lifting
And I think that you
are to blame
I just have to tell you
one more thing--
I think we need to
nurture this flame

(May 6, 2008)


My mind is thinking
Out loud again
It says the time
Has come to change
And you can't be better
If you stay the same
So let step
Up our game
Because you deserve
More than this

(May 4, 2008)


I have two feet off the ground
and my heads lost among the clouds
but I don't ever want to come down
no never come down
It gets lonely up here too
when I spend all my time watching you
that doesn't mean that I want to leave
I just wish that you were up here with me

(April 22, 2008)


New Age Philosophy
And love love love
Is all I need
Except for you
to be with me

(April 21, 2008)


Last call was 40 minutes ago
They want to close-up
I'm having trouble finding the door
Don't they understand
I don't want to leave you tonight
They don't know
I have nowhere else to go
Now they're taking my arm
They are taking me away
You are watching us
With nothing to say
You raise your hand
And wave goodbye

(April 21, 2008)


independent films
quick kisses
stolen time
on the glass
in the dust
the sand
and flesh
you were
letters in French
frozen time
you are mine
show you

(June 17, 2008)


Give me a new pair of eyes
So I can see a brighter day
A new pair of legs
or some colorful wings
to carry me away
I need a new set of clothes
What I have is dirty
and wet from rain
Give me another chance
I need a new start
now that I am ready

(June 15, 2008)


Right now, everything inside me feels chaotic. It has for quite some time. Like the wallpaper is peeling, the flowers are wilting, the skies are grey in this soul of mine. There is no life. The calm before the storm? The eye of the storm? Who really knows? I just wish I felt something, that I felt warmth. I wish I could feel the beauty I see and touch--and that I could keep it safe(ly) inside of me, in the heart of my soul.

(June 11, 2008)


Fallen angels
Keep you safe
Empty bottles
Cover the floor
His voice echoes
In this tiny place
A fate less perfect
You never thought
It would change
For tonight
If not tomorrow
Angels keep you safe

(June 10, 2008)


I want to be a nature, fashion, portrait, and movie photographer. I want to be a cinematographer, a screenwriter, a set designer, a producer, a film maker. I want to be both teacher and student --of everything. I want to be an artist, a realist, a philosopher, and activist. I want to be a journalist, a short story writer, a novelist. I want to be a traveler, a tourist. I want to be a singer, song-writer, a musician, guitarist, pianist. An entertainer. I want to be a detective, a lawyer, a fighter, a lover, a mother, a daughter, a child, a sister, an aunt, a neighbor, a shoulder, a friend. I want to be me. Whoever that is.

(June 10, 2008)


I can't even tell you
How nervous I am
Standing here
Heart in hand
Pit in my stomach
Desert in my mouth
Metaphors are endless
Time for the truth
To come out
I wanna know
How you feel
I wanna know
Could this be real

(June 5, 2008)


That smile
You wear like a pro
The secret
Everyone wants to know
The pain
You never, ever show

(June 4, 2008)


listen to the rain
steady as a drum
tapping on the tin roof
falling to the ground
on this porch we sit
steady hypnotized by it
it soothes the mind
like you sooth my soul
strumming your guitar
and humming
a tune without words

(June 3, 2008)


Just a cup of coffee and
A good crossword to get me through
Just a cup of coffee and
I don't need you
I've got some music
I've got enough gas
I'm gonna fly outta here
I'm gonna lose your ass
Cause those lies
You've told me
Well I'm trying to forget
And the further I run
The closer I get

(June 1, 2008)


Here today, gone tomorrow
How does one live in such
A world of sorrow?
A world controlled
by anger and hate
Where everyone with faith
Is praying
It's not to late
to save or be saved,
to die or live on,
to fight for those
who are gone
In a world of greed
And lust and fear
What is there
to hold dear?

(June 1, 2008)